This means war!!!!

“Where the battle rages, there the loyalty of the soldier is proved.”
― Martin Luther

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Do you have any idea as to what this picture is all about?
You think it’s just some sort of stem don’t you?
You are partially correct, it is a stem–sans all its leaves.
And you should know that this is not just any sort of stem!
This is one of almost 50 plants just like it.
Rows upon rows of “topped off” plants.
Topped off you ask?
Yes, as in eaten off.
As in all of my green, wax, bush, french beans have been pillaged.
Pillaged you ask?
As in decimated.
As in eaten to the nubs.

Do you remember this little fellow? I took this shot back in the fall.
“Oh how pretty”
“Oh how majestic”
I had mused as I watched the bucks and does come and go in our yard.
Little did I know of the impending treachery. . .
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Well it now seems as if this little buck has called all his friends.
The antlers are long gone and this is the time of year that food is at its peak.
Food?
Yes, my food.
As in my garden.
UGH!!!!

I try to keep this garden of ours as organic as possible. The strongest stuff I use on pests is the poison I sprinkle on those d@m%ed fire ant mounds which ring the garden like the infamous ring of fire—quite fitting indeed.
Oh how I hate those evil little biting devils. . .

But after my rows of beans, my pepper plants now minus their tops, an entire cucumber plant MIA, crushed stalks of young corn and even branchy vines from my tomatoes all mysteriously disappearing—daily . . .
I’m mad.
Really mad.
Fighting mad.

Do you remember George C. Scott’s role as General George S. Paton?
Remember that opening fiery profanity laced monologue?
That man didn’t play.
Just ask the Germans.
And thank God for the Allies he didn’t mince words. . .
Well, by George S. Patton, it is now time for the big guns!!
As in, this means war!!!

Recently an old-timer (that’s what my husband calls the elderly men who have spent their lives working in the fields) came into my husband’s store recently and shared with him a tried and true little secret weapon that he swore by to ward off deer from ones garden. . .Irish Spring.

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What you say?
As in Irish Spring, green, highly fragrant, soap??!!
Yep.
Supposedly the deer don’t like the smell.
We bought boxes of the soap and have cut slivers, much like Hansel and Grettle leaving little crumbs, surrounding the entire perimeter of the garden, plus up and down each and every row.
All the while I whistled the little sailor ditty from those iconic Irish Spring commercials.

Next, I went for the old standard pie pans.
Shock and awe.
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Clinking, clanging and banging in the breeze. We tied 15 pans all around the garden. They’re hung in tress, from the tomato cages, and even from the bean poles.

And then there was the non poisonous pest granules which are spread on the ground, not the plants. It has an irritating effect on the nostrils of varmints large and small.
Hummmmm.
Yeah, and I’ve got some swamp land for sale. . .the jury is still out on the granules.

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But— there is a secret weapon.
I don’t know his name yet.
But he is two faced.
He’s doubly mean
And he’s doubly bad.
Plus he smells.
Smells you ask?
Yes.
Stinks to high heaven.
As in he’s been doused with perfume.

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I figured a good dousing of perfume might signal that a human just may be lurking in and around the beans.
Fingers crossed.
My only other recourse. . . send my husband out all night with a spot light.
Somehow I don’t think he’d be too keen on that thought. . .
I’ll keep you posted. . .

10 comments on “This means war!!!!

  1. prior says:

    please keep us posted – and this was such a fun post – they sure had a feast – whew – love the scarecrow too

  2. Karen says:

    Your post is funny but the damage isn’t and I feel so bad about all the plants being nibbled, crushed and destroyed. I’ll keep my fingers crossed as I’d hate to see your husband have to spend the night in the garden.

  3. Michael says:

    I sure hope the Irish Spring soap works! All that work, it would make me mad too! I can remember one year the deer got into our yard and ate everyone of my hostas, I was so mad. I love your scare crow! Big hugs! 🙂

    recent post: Shrimp Boats
    http://michaelswoodcraft.wordpress.com/2014/06/15/shrimp-boats/

    • Day I of the battle of the garden—all is well 🙂
      And I ran to the post office this morning, putting your check in the mail–it will be waiting on you when you get back from the beach. I actually made us a last minute reservation down in Destin for the 4th—we’ve not been to the beach in a couple of years—just Gregory and I–quiet and calm, with no weddings 🙂
      Thank Michael and continue to enjoy your trip–
      Julie

  4. LOVE this post! Too many times our pea patch has been devoured by those scheming animals! I’ve heard surrounding the garden with human hair will keep them out – hmmmm, if we all got shorter haircuts and shared the trimmings…! But seriously, I hope your most believable scarecrow does the trick. You deserve the best from your labors!! xoxoxo

  5. I know I shouldn’t be laughing but I am. And it’s not at your loss of veggies, but at your determination and weaponry in waging this war. Can’t wait to hear updates of the skirmishes. Good luck missy, my money is on you. If that’s the back of your home in one of the pics, you have a very lovely one. Hugs, Natalie 🙂

    • I hope to have the last laugh 🙂
      Today, day 1–all is quiet on the western front—thank goodness—so far so good—and may I just add that the garden has such a lovely scent– a cross between Guerlain and Irish Spring clean 🙂
      yep, that is the back of the abode—you’ll need to come sit on the the back deck with me, sipping a julie julep while we keep sentry over the sneaky vermin 🙂

      • Laughing out loud here. I’m so glad the western front is under control, General Cookie, Ma’m! I’d love to come sit on your deck sometime and enjoy what I’ll bet is a lovely view from there, not too mention the lovely “scent” you mentioned. Hugs and love, N

  6. […] we had deer eat a good many of the grapes but I used Irish Spring soap recommended by Julie at Cookiecrumbstoliveby blog. Julie also has deer visiting her beautiful garden. Check out her […]

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