Look up

“Far away there in the sunshine are my highest aspirations.
I may not reach them but I can look up and see their beauty,
believe in them, and try to follow them.”

Louisa May Alcott

“Hope is the last thing ever lost.”
Italian Proverb


“If you’re going through hell, by all means, keep going. . .”

Sir Winston Spencer Churchill:

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(a tiny yet beautiful skipper looks upward / Julie Cook / 2015)

Spending the day situating Dad’s affairs. . .
As in. . .

Getting the taxes almost squared away with the CPA, the State and the one’s that really count, the Feds. . .

Dealing with the accident report and Police department regarding the little fender bender last week with Gloria and the caregiver while they were out on a mission. . .
Oh, did I not tell you about that?
You don’t want to know. . .

Organizing the growing mountain of paperwork, invoices, bills, receipts. . .
While musing that taking care of Dad and that household of theirs must be similar to running a small corporation or better yet, a small country. . .

Calling insurance companies. . .cars, medical. . .”please hold. . .”

Talking with the Care Agency about lining up the who’s, the whats, the whens, the wheres. . .and we know the whys. . .

Talking with Dad, who is still terribly ill. . .convinced he’s dying yet hoping they can help with the cancer. . .As I in turn inquire as to who told him he had cancer. . .With the response being, “it won’t go away, it’s cancer. . .” Ode to the rationale of psychosis

Talking with the nurse, otherwise known as the wise counsel who still has her sanity in the midsts of all of this while playing go-between with the doctor’s office, the caregiver, me and most importantly Dad. . .

Coordinating taking Dad to the Gastroenterologist tomorrow (which is today if your reading this) with as much ease as possible. . .
While hoping and praying for positive good news. . .

Taking a break, I push back from the phone, the computer, the table, and life. . .
Wondering why I came home from the Ocean’s shores. . .deciding quickly to seek a small diversion.

I step outside into the “feels like 91 degree” humid heat to weed, fertilize and deadhead the now leggy hot garden and yard.
An hour of working in a sauna, I head back inside seeking respite and a popsicle.
I look over a few of my favorite blogs, catching up on a few new postings. . .when I read a wonderful feel good story from Stuart M. Perkins over on Storyshucker
( https://storyshucker.wordpress.com )
Stuart has a Faulkneresque quality as he spins his tales of life and of his growing up in the South (Virginia that is).

His story today regarding a weekend spent at a team building seminar, coupled with my talk with the Nurse charged with caring for Dad and Gloria, each caught my attention as the similarities in these separate discussions was not lost on a sinking psyche.

It is becoming increasingly easy for me to grow frustrated, overwhelmed and sad while dealing with all things Dad and Gloria, while trying to squeeze my own family’s needs into the picture.
Heading into all of this pretty much alone—as in the only child dealing with a dad and stepmom’s rapidly declining health while trying to manage their home and lives, all from afar. . .can drive me to thoughts of drinking bushwhackers quite heavily (you’ll have to see the post from yesterday to understand–“Bushwhackers, bare feet and a needed cure all”)

And that’s when it hit me—-the sudden realization that I’m really not alone. . .
I was soothingly reminded that I actually have my own little team.
Remembering to lift my head, looking upwards to that “from whence comes my help”, leading me to the thoughts of my very own team of three–with me making 4.
As in remembering, claiming and holding onto fast and hard the lone fact that in my faith I never walk alone!
I walk hand in hand with a loving Father in Heaven—-Yeshua, His son, who takes me by the hand— and the Spirit of Life who leads me ever forward—
And it is with that thought of teamwork now flooding my mind—
that I felt myself finally exhale. . .

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(the tiny skipper amongst the succulents / Julie Cook / 2015)

9 comments on “Look up

  1. Lynda says:

    This is such an overwhelming time for you Julie. I am so thankful that you have deep faith in the Trinity and that you know that you are never alone! Thank you for sharing your journey with us. Prayers continue.

  2. Kentucky Angel says:

    Adding my prayers for you also Julie. Life continues here, and Logan’s family is dealing with much the same as you, only they are finalizing only 22 years of life for him. Very difficult task, and so time consuming. In this case, a welcome diversion, in yours a painful chore. Please, be sure your Dad has an up to date will. That is what is making the ordeal difficult for my son now. A 22 year old never thinks he will need a will, but he never thinks he will do something so drastic either.

    • I know how hard it is for you and your family right now and I’m so sorry—we actually updated Dad’s will 3 years ago–so certain things are in place. ..which is a good thing.
      Please know that my prayers continue for you and your grandson and his family—
      hugs to you—Julie

  3. Wow wonderful pictures of the butterflies and I love that in the midst of the stress and despair you find strength in your faith. May you feel the Lord’s presence around you at all times as you continue to make this journey with your dad. I know it’s know an easy one, but you are a good and faithful servant. Hugs and love, N 🙂 ❤

  4. ColorStorm says:

    I hope you are copying these posts on paper jewels referencing the trials and triumphs of the ‘latter years,’ as one never knows if/when the web goes south.

    Very good stuff, and I’m sure a lot of folks really appreciate your accounting, even if they never comment.

  5. lljostes says:

    A very poignant post, Julie. God uphold you with His victorious right hand. Hugs ~ Laura

  6. Wally Fry says:

    You do have a team Julie, and we have the best coach. Remember a threefold cord is not easily broken.

    And…awesome pictures..wow.

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