and soon there will be but one…

“At sixteen, you still think you can escape from your father.
You aren’t listening to his voice speaking through your mouth,
you don’t see how your gestures already mirror his;
you don’t see him in the way you hold your body,
in the way you sign your name.
You don’t hear his whisper in your blood.”

Salman Rushdie

(after 3 months, when the adoption was complete, I finally had a permanent home late January 1960 /with a father
who adored his new daughter)

Simply put, our time together is running out.

(the roles are now reversed…
the one who once cared for, fed and protected is now the one being cared for,
fed and protected…)

Death be not proud, though some have called thee
Mighty and dreadfull, for, thou art not soe,
For, those, whom thou think’st, thou dost overthrow,
Die not, poore death, nor yet canst thou kill mee;
From rest and sleepe, which but thy pictures bee,
Much pleasure, then from thee, much more must flow,
And soonest our best men with thee doe goe,
Rest of their bones, and soules deliverie
Thou art slave to Fate, chance, kings, and desperate men,
And doth with poyson, warre, and sickness dwell.
And poppie, or charmes can make us sleepe as well,
And better then thy stroake; why swell’st thou then?
One short sleepe past, wee wake eternally,
And death shall be no more, death thou shalt die.

~John Donne

17 comments on “and soon there will be but one…

  1. Reblogged this on Talmidimblogging and commented:
    Praying for comfort and peace thru these diffuclt times.

  2. Well said. I’m so sorry for your grief. It is incredibly painful to say goodbye.

    • The thing is IB I’ve never been a “daddy’s girl” in fact it’s taken a long time to come to a place of acceptance and forgiveness– dad always provided and was generous but always childlike , never strong and very lazy– as our family dissolved into the depths of paralysis of my brother’s mental illness, dad was not proactive or protective — then when mother died so prematurely he dissolved completely to being the child as I had to become the parent at 25– I resented the hell out of him for that– I had always longed for and needed a strong male figure in my life and I didn’t have it– but as I have aged and God has worked and I have found healing there has been that acceptance and forgiveness I spoke of earlier– and for so very long now—it’s been pretty much me and dad– it’s been a hard weekend and now what most likely will be a hard week– when I was leaving him last evening and I told him I’d see him in the morning and he told me there’d be no need cause he wouldn’t be here– and he thanked me for being a good daughter– he’s still here as there are obviously a few more things he and God need to sort out…. so you’re right– it isn’t easy…

      • I so hear you, Julie. I became the grown up in my family too, way too young for such burdens. My father was a good man, but he had a lot of issues and brokenness. I too needed that male influence in my life and didn’t get it. It is terribly unfair to be working through our own issues, and forced to pick up our parent’s issues at the same time. God doesn’t hand that task to the faint of heart, that’s for sure.

        God is a great friend to orphans, widows, and the fatherless. He is our built in failsafe, our Father when our earthly father’s falter. He will hand you so much beauty for your ashes.

      • thank you again IB, “beauty for the ashes”—now that is beautifully stated—thank you IB and hugs to the west coast

  3. says:

    A verse from a hymn we sang yesterday, “Be Still My Soul” gave me comfort for a dear friend who is suffering from pancreatic cancer. We don’t know the hour or day, but we can be confident in the end result.

    Be still, my soul; the hour is hastening on
    When we shall be forever with the Lord,
    When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
    Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.
    Be still, my soul; when change and tears are past,
    All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.

    Prayers and hugs, Yoda!

  4. phyllissnipes says:

    Oh, Julie! We love you so!!! Praying, praying, praying…

  5. Lynda says:

    Julie, what a blessing to have these photos and to know without a doubt that your dad loved you from the beginning. Prayers are added to all the others!

  6. Continuing to pray, Julie.

  7. Julie, I am still feeling your pain, praying, and knowing that things will be good again. The Lord continue to bless you during this time. ~ Fran

  8. I know how heart wrenching this has got to be no matter how different it may be from what it once was. I had to be the grown up in the passing of both my parents, the first because at 18 I was the oldest sibling, and the second because my siblings pulled out on me and left me to do it all alone. It is never easy at any age and no matter what has transpired in previous times and days. I wish I could help in some way, but this is a fairly solitary journey for all of us. Love and hugs, N 🙂 ❤

  9. lorriebowden says:

    I, so, completely understand!
    Sending sweet blessings your way ❤

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