what do you think about all day….

“What do you think about all day?”
Worldly things?
There is your heart.
Are you concerned about health, bodily goods?
There your heart is.
If one falls in love, all the habits of life are ruled
by that love—letters, telephone calls, whatever we do.

Dorothy Day

(flowering maple shrub / Julie Cook / 2017)

As is the case with the loss of any loved one…
life as we know it, turns upside down.
Not only is there the emotional aspect of loss, there is the
stark reality that even in death, there are responsibilities which remain.
The complications of living simply do not cease upon death.

I have been met head on with the reality of what it will now entail to
tend to dad’s worldly life, finishing up where he left off.

Lawyers, banks, accountants, the house, the car, paying for and eventually closing
accounts, the utilities, Social Security, insurance, a pension, taxes….
the list goes on and on…and it will for quite sometime.
Add in a step-mother…..

It will take weeks for the primary significant paperwork to arrive,
then there’s a visit to the court house in downtown Atlanta.
There will be new bank accounts as old accounts are closed.
And a new role as I begin the arduous and laborious process of closing one’s
existence out of our society.

I told someone today that it’s easier to be born than it is to die…
I suppose we think everything just stops when we die…but it doesn’t.

I can remember when both of my grandmothers and mother died and how Dad worked to
settle their estates…
It took years to finally put an end to things.

Needless to say…overwhelmed is now my mantra.

So when I read the sentence by Dorothy Day asking what it is that I think about all day…
and as to her follow-up remark to whatever the filling in of that blank would be…
“there is your heart”
I felt a real conviction of spirit.

Convicted because my thoughts are currently of worry.

And so there is my heart…steeped in worry.

And whereas I would suppose most anyone in my current pair of shoes would
be feeling much the same sense of overwhelming worry…
I have been thankfully jolted to refocus my sights…

“We must remember…
God is a sensitive lover.
God will not force you to choose him.
It is an insult to God to worry so about things of the world.”

Dorothy Day

Nothing is more practical than finding God,
than falling in Love in a quite absolute,
final way.
What you are in love with,
what seizes your imagination, will affect everything.
It will decide
what will get you out of bed in the morning,
what you do with your evenings,
how you spend your weekends,
what you read, whom you know,
what breaks your heart,
and what amazes you with joy and gratitude.
Fall in Love, stay in love,
and it will decide everything.

Attributed to Fr. Pedro Arrupe, SJ (1907-1991)

8 comments on “what do you think about all day….

  1. atimetoshare.me says:

    “overwhelmed” has been your mantra for a long time, my friend. You will get through this, just as you got through the waiting, wondering, wanting and caring for your dad. Take some time to take care of yourself before diving head on into all this other stuff. It will wait for you. My prayers are still with you as you sift through it all. It’s not an easy task.

  2. Citizen Tom says:

    I have never met a man who worried very much about leaving a mess behind when He died. Women, however, want everything tidily prepared for the day they depart.

    My wife already has our grave site picked. Me. I don’t even want to think about it.

    There was a book I read years ago. Science fiction it was. The authors created this odd race of advanced but fearful plant-eating aliens. In odd way, however, those aliens were more courageous than humans. Humans will take the most hair-brained risks without giving it much thought. Our true fears we hide from ourselves. Those advanced but fearful plant-eating aliens confronted their fears, made plans, and took deliberate action. Not the sort of advanced but fearful plant-eating aliens the wise wish to make afraid.

    So I suppose at least in some ways women are braver than men.

  3. SLIMJIM says:

    This was very insightful. This is an area I have not experienced yet. So I suppose I’m learning and it makes me more compassionate with those who are experiencing loss in my ministry.
    Julie I’m still praying for you.

  4. I hope you find sometime for yourself and for joy in the tedious details that are facing you. Remember life is for the living and each day is a gift. Love, N 🙂 ❤

  5. PS. That is one beautiful bloom and photo, missy! 🙂 ❤

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