my whole world could shatter

(Autumn / Julie Cook / 2018)

I had another post written for today but there was a nagging urge to put it on hold.
I kept trying to push through the writing, trying hard to ignore the unseen force
moving me in a different direction, but I couldn’t push it down,
keeping it from consuming my thoughts.
So somewhat reluctantly, I put the post on hold and started writing what seemed to be
pouring from my heart and thoughts.

Groovy Kind Of Love
It was a song that I first remembered hearing back in 1988…
although it had first been a hit in 1965.

The lyrics were written by Toni Wine and Carole Bayer Sager, both teens at the time.
It was first recorded by Diane and Annita then later by The Mindbenders.
Eventually, it was covered by The Turtles and finally Phil Collins

And it was Phil Collins’ rendition that left the most lasting impression on my heart.

My mom had died in 1986 at the ripe ol age of 53.
It was lung cancer…
and whether it was just odd or rather just an odd blessing, the entire ordeal only lasted
from July 25th until September 6th.
However, I suspect Mother had been sick much longer than any of us had realized.

In hindsight, I was very much crushed and even broken.
I was 26.
I had been teaching for 3 years plus I had been married for 3 years.
And if the truth be told, it was not the smoothest sailing marriage.
And now I suddenly found myself having to care for my distraught and very inept father
who lived in another city over an hour away.

My plate was now overtly full while my heart was undeniably broken.
And I was very much alone.

When I first heard Phil Collins sing the song in 1988–with that near hypnotic rhythmic
tempatic resonance, I would always catch myself singing softly along.
And every time I got to the line, “my whole world could shatter…”
the words would catch in my throat like a choking rock…
for despite it now having been two years since my mom had died,
my world was still shattered…yet no one knew it but me…
and even I didn’t actually realize how broken I truly was.

The song reminded me of my loss.

My world was shattered…

I knew that I still loved my mom and she, despite being gone, still loved me.
Although it was now in a different dimension with a love that transcended time.
A thing I suppose I now felt was, as the song said, a groovy kind of love.

And so all these many years later…that song has come flooding once again to mind.
Not because I’ve recently heard it playing but rather because the Spirit brings
it to my mind.

So now as I look down upon this tiny granddaughter… I am reminded that
yes, a world could shatter, just as a rock still catches in my throat…
but there will always be that groovy kind of love that transcends time…

When I’m feeling blue, all I have to do
Is take a look at you, then I’m not so blue
When you’re close to me, I can feel your heart beat
I can hear you breathing near my ear
Wouldn’t you agree, baby you and me got a groovy kind of love

Anytime you want to you can turn me onto
Anything you want to, anytime at all
When I kiss your lips, ooh I start to shiver
Can’t control the quivering inside
Wouldn’t you agree, baby you and me got a groovy kind of love, oh

When I’m feeling blue, all I have to do
Is take a look at you, then I’m not so blue
When I’m in your arms, nothing seems to matter
My whole world could shatter, I don’t care
Wouldn’t you agree, baby you and me got a groovy kind of love
We got a groovy kind of love
We got a groovy kind of love, oh
We got a groovy kind of love

13 comments on “my whole world could shatter

  1. says:

    Glad you chose to post these lovely words today. Autumn is absolutely beautiful!

  2. Lynda says:

    There is nothing like the love of a grandparent for a grandchild! It is a gift from God and God gifts us with love from our grandchildren as well. You are making a great start in a lifelong love affair with beautiful little Autumn! Happy St. Patrick’s Day even if you aren’t Irish!

  3. Love is like that, isn’t it, Julie? We give our hearts away, knowing that in doing so, our hearts can shatter… but love is truly worth the potential pain. Nothing like losing your mom, though. So sorry you lost her when you were so young. 😦 Autumn is beautiful! I’m sure she has completely stolen your heart! ❤ and hugs!!

    • thanks Lynn—it was a crazy time…looking back. At the time, I had no hindsight or anything to gauge things by—Gregory and I have come quite a blessedly a long way since those early days. Being 10 years older than I am, he was very much a confirmed batchelor…and I was young and naive. It was a long rocky first 5 years—but funny, he doesnt remember any of that 😉
      I think what I learned from mother’s death…she and I had never been close…not until shortly before her death—when I could finally grow up a little bit and we had become friends…she was not keen on me marrying Gregory…that’s a story for another day… but I learned that despite death, we are not ever really sepearted from those we love as those who are Heaven bound are merely of a different time and space…as time and space are not as we know it…it is a transcending love…only capable because of the Love that was ressurected so long ago…

  4. oneta hayes says:

    Amazing love for your little angel. She is adorable. I was sort of scared of my first little angel – as grandmother. The wonder keeps growing. My daughter-in-law said that I would keep them for one hour (per day) for each year of age. By the time they were four I had no limit and she was about right!

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