“We must become so alone, so utterly alone, that we withdraw into our innermost self.
It is a way of bitter suffering. But then our solitude is overcome,
we are no longer alone, for we find that our innermost self is the spirit,
that it is God, the indivisible.
And suddenly we find ourselves in the midst of the world,
yet undisturbed by its multiplicity,
for our innermost soul we know ourselves to be one with all being.”
One year ago yesterday on March 19th, my dad lost his battle with cancer.
At the time, the last thing I was thinking about was what all was going on around me
let alone the significance of dates on a calendar.
I was just doing good by planning a funeral and dealing with the remnants of a lost life…
I was simply oblivious to everything else.
Moments of such loss tend to do that to us…
We freeze as if caught in a glitch of both space and time…
we’re standing still but the world, and everything else around us is still
spinning and moving.
This year as March 19th arrived on the calendar, with me marking both it’s coming and going
with a bit of inward melancholy, I couldn’t help but notice that throughout the entire day
I had been subtly reminded that March 19th was not just a day marking a sad milestone in my
small corner of the world, it also just so happened to be the day that the Church remembers
St Joseph…the earthly father of Jesus.
As in the feast day of St. Joseph
As in a ‘dad’ sort of day.
And like I’ve said before, I’m not one for the notion of coincidence as I am more about the moving
of the Spirit. Because with God, there is no such thing as coincidence…
just the guidance offered by the third member of the Trinity.
And so as I found myself fondly remembering my own dad, the man who adopted me when I was but
a few months old, for both good and bad, who stood watch over me most of my life while that role
was reversed during the last 5 years of his life…
I now recall the one who stood watch over a growing God made man-child …
a boy who needed the perfect earthly father to guide him as He prepared to lead us all
to our own Salvation…
So whereas I was feeling glum as I moved throughout my day, I found my thoughts being gently
teased outward as I have been reminded that God is always greater, ever mindful and deeply full
of thought for each and every one of us in our ups as well as downs…
no detail is too small, no event too insignificant that He is not everpresent.
Reblogged this on Talmidimblogging.
Merci Gw 🙂
Mon plaisir SC 🍪😍
When I remember all your trips to Atlanta last year, all the anxiety and finally the release of death, I know what a time that was for you. To lose our dads is monumental. My dad was difficult to get along with and I didn’t really like him very much until I had a family of my own. I then could see what he went through to make a good life for us. When he passed away, it was really tough for me to let go. He was only 61 years old. Now I can look back and recall the good times we had together.
Now that new life is in your father’s house, it’s kind of like a miracle. The legacy goes on. The house is their treasure now and new memories are being made already.
Grief is a long process. No matter how we try to ignore it, it’s always there. The promise of eternal life is our only hope for those we lose.
I drove over today as we went to the pediatrican for the 1 month check up—and despite the weather, the traffic…I was quite happy…then we all drove back all the way here for a few days 🙂
Are you getting any rest?
HA! Rest???what is that???
What a great connection to be able to make! God’s peace to you. J.
Hugs my friend 🙂
What a beautiful post, dear Julie! I’m so sorry for your loss… I know that it has been an arduous journey… grief is just that, and the ache continues long after the event of passing…Sending you much love and empathetic hugs… always, but especially today. ❤ ❤
Thanks Lynn–I was just amazed how God worked to pull me out of me and reminded me of an ultimate dad who never saw himself as such…pretty amazing 🙂
Wow I can’t believe it has been a year since your dad passed away. I think the story of your adoption, and your father and mother’s love is very touching and encouraging though I know the last few years before your father passed away was hard for you and for him and for everyone. Much love to you Julie…
Thank you Jim — it’s a story for sure
Many hugs…Immanuel, God with us… always! 😊
I can’t believe that it has already been a year since your father passed. Your wonderful thoughts of him will always remain with you and give you peach.
Thanks Karen— in a years time, it can seem so brief yet so much can change— it really is amazing! Now I’m taking care of this new grand baby — so I’ll have to simply vicariously enjoy trips through you and your eyes ☺️