who you gonna call????

Most Christians don’t hear God’s voice because we’ve already decided
we aren’t going to do what He says.

Aiden Wilson Tozer

I had the best of intentions this morning, during fevered delirium, of writing a funny post
about honeybuns, aka formaldehyde wrapped in plastic…but my enthusiasm and energy have both waned.

Long story…my husband and I have had what we’ve figured to be the crud…
receiving said crud from time spent with a croupy Mayor.

Mine went to my sinuses, which is my typical MO…
But last night, at 3:20 AM, our home security alarm began blaring.
My husband who normally wears hearing aids, can’t hear squat without them…
not even a blaring siren…WOOOOOO WOOOOOO WOOOOOO

We have said system because my husband was in the jewelry business and we live in
the middle of nowhere on 5 acres off the road…
so call it a bit of peace of mind…or not.

So at 3:20 with a blaring alarm, I immediately jumped from the bed,
screaming at my husband that the alarm was going off as I flipped on the lights and ran
to check where the “breach” was located.

In the meantime, my husband scrambles to cut off his alarm clock because,
in his sleepy deaf state, he thinks I’m fussing because his alarm clock is going off.

I ran to the alarm pad—it read that the breach was at the windows in our closet…
the one just off our bedroom.

At that point the phone rings—it’s the alarm company.
The gal states that they have an alarm code breach coming from our home.

Naturally at 3:20 in the morning, when I’m in the middle of a possible break-in, I tend to
be a tad frantic.

My husband grabs his gun (yes he has a license and has had both hunting guns and a gun he
kept at the jewelry store. He was actually shot during an armed robbery a couple of years
before we met, so let’s just say he’s been cautious ever since.)

He proceeds to scope out the closet then walks through the house.
All the while, the girl on the phone asks “do you want me to dispatch the police?”

I practically scream to my husband “SHOULD SHE SEND THE POLICE!?”

See, I’m the kind of person who, when trouble comes calling,
I want the cavalry to come running.
But what with all this defund the police crap, it’s like Charles Barkley said,
“who you gonna call, Ghostbusters???”

But my husband said no…he thinks it was just glitchy wires.
Glitchy wires??!!
And yet I will say that Percy the cat was still nestled in his bed…
had someone been in the house, Percy would have been the first to hide.

We got back into bed and my husband falls readily to sleep.
Who does that?
I, on the other hand, lay there in the dark…listening.
Waiting for a chainsaw massacre psycho to come busting into our bedroom.
Like a little kid, I feel safer if I bury myself in the covers…like
no one can tell I’m in the bed…
eye-rolling obviously.

I keep listening.

Was someone outside?
Were they going to try another window or door?
The dark has a bad way of playing with our fears.
I pray while my ears play tricks on me.

Suddenly, I notice how very cold I am, and how achy I feel.
Great, I was running a fever.
I never run a fever unless it’s serious.

I laid there until daylight.
Balled up in a shivering clump hidden under the covers…just
waiting for daylight to know I was safe…sick, but safe.

At daybreak, I stutter from under the covers, “I think I’m dying.”
“What? says my deaf husband.
I ask my husband if he could please go get me the thermometer…
“And please make certain it’s ours and not the rectal one for the kids!!!”
I didn’t have on my glasses so I took my chances.


My husband showers and goes to make coffee…forgetting to feed the cats…
Who both proceed to jump on and off the bed until I stumble from bed, feeling like death,
in order to feed them.
He complains I never let him help enough around the house and yet the one morning of
death and dying, when his help would have been so greatly appreciated,
…well, he was sitting in his chair with his warm cup of coffee…
oblivious to 8 legs of bedlam.

I ask him rather indignantly why did he not feed the cats…
“I never saw them” he lazily responds.
“That’s because they were jumping all over me!!!”

I call the ENT’s office at 8.
Telling them of my ailments but would I need a COVID test first?
Oh no, the nurse tells me, we’ll do that here.

Oooo, a one-stop-shop—great!

Long story short…
I had a strep test, a flu test, and a COVID test.
While we waited on those tests to process, they took x-rays…“well you definitely have
a sinus infection”
the PA tells me—
and then blessedly the other tests came back negative.
YAY, I guess, because she said there are both false negatives and false positives…
And I still felt like crap.

Two shots and a prescription later…we still wonder.

And so now when you think you might have a cold, flu, virus…what was once simple and ordinary…
well, it is not so ordinary anymore…rather it is now very complicated.

How could I have gotten it?
I wear my mask at the grocery store…I really don’t go to many other places.

And then it hit me.

My husband’s hunting buddy jokingly handed me a honeybun the other day as my
birthday gift.
He knows I hate those things.
I think they could survive a nuclear bomb.
My dad loved them.
My husband’s buddy thought it was an appropriate and funny gift.
And yet I actually got him something nice and real.

And then two days later, this friend calls to tell us his wife, daughter, son in law, and two little
grandkids have tested positive.

And then it dawns on me…
It was the handoff of the honey bun!

So I’m to the point now that no one seems to know which is what.
Gather, don’t gather…mask, don’t mask…Thanksgiving, no Thanksgiving, false positives,
false negatives…vaccines, no vaccines

So maybe Charles is right…who ya gonna call??? Ghostbusters…??


My Refuge and My Fortress
Psalm 91

He who dwells in the shelter of the Most High
will abide in the shadow of the Almighty.
I will say to the Lord, “My refuge and my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”
For he will deliver you from the snare of the fowler
and from the deadly pestilence.
He will cover you with his pinions,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness is a shield and buckler.
You will not fear the terror of the night,
nor the arrow that flies by day,
nor the pestilence that stalks in darkness,
nor the destruction that wastes at noonday.
A thousand may fall at your side,
ten thousand at your right hand,
but it will not come near you.
You will only look with your eyes
and see the recompense of the wicked.
Because you have made the Lord your dwelling place—
the Most High, who is my refuge
no evil shall be allowed to befall you,
no plague come near your tent.
For he will command his angels concerning you
to guard you in all your ways.
On their hands they will bear you up,
lest you strike your foot against a stone.
You will tread on the lion and the adder;
the young lion and the serpent you will trample underfoot.
“Because he holds fast to me in love, I will deliver him;
I will protect him, because he knows my name.
When he calls to me, I will answer him;
I will be with him in trouble;
I will rescue him and honor him.
With long life I will satisfy him
and show him my salvation.”

28 comments on “who you gonna call????

  1. bcparkison says:

    You must be feeling better or this post wouldn’t be here. I recently put in an alarm system and it takes some getting use to. I did accidently get a visit from the sheriff office and I did tell him how sorry I was he made the trip out here but also thankful this thing works. You just never know but at least someone knew who to call.

  2. atimetoshare.me says:

    Oh this is so funny, but sadly quite true. Paul and I take our temps daily. I’ve had a cough since February and every little sniffle and we look at each other and say COVID! We seem to forget this is the season of the sniffles. Get well soon!

    • I mean really— nothing is what it was that’s for certain— Gregory is now paranoid so he’s going to the ENT today despite canceling the appointment I made him yesterday— he has run a fever but like me, feels crappy— this the season!!

  3. Frank Hubeny says:

    That quote from Tozer surprised me with the explanation why we don’t hear God. Psalm 91 tells me to make the Lord my dwelling place. I hope I’ve done that. And I hope things go smoother for you. I wouldn’t call Ghostbusters either although I did enjoy those movies.

  4. Sue Cass says:

    Oh I can empathize with having a husband sound asleep when things happen. My late husband wasn’t deaf, he just slept like he was dead. I told him if we had a tornado and it took the house I’d find him in the bed sound asleep in the middle of the yard and the house gone. Sorry, but I did have to laugh through your story because it was so familiar. I hope your feeling better soon.

  5. I can relate somewhat. Since the 13th of October, I have had one of the symptoms (to remain undisclosed) of COVID. I dutifully got my nasal test and a week later was told it was negative. I still had the symptom so I went last Thursday to see my primary at his office. He gave me 3 prescriptions and sent me home. This Monday, his office said that I had been exposed to COVID when I was there last week. Go figure. Still no additional symptoms and the initial one is improving. As my ancestors would say, today is a good day to die.

  6. Salvageable says:

    I’m sorry you are ailing, and I’m glad that it is nothing worse than a sinus infection (which is bad enough!). Also glad that the alarm was false. I remember once years ago when my mother went nextdoor to check on her father. The smoke alarm was blaring, because he had burned a pie crust in the oven. He knew that he had burned the pie crust and had taken care of that already. He was oblivious to the alarm. J.

  7. K.L. Hale says:

    Julie, I hope you get better quickly! I hate it that your sick-but your post made me laugh out loud. Those darn honeybuns and husbands. Psalms 91 gives me comfort. Prayers for a quick recovery. xoxo Karla

  8. Ha! I’m sorry! Feel better soon. We once had a big storm and a tree fell on the house, big gaping hole in the roof, rain pouring in. Hubby slept right through it and of course in the morning he was annoyed because nobody “told him” about it.

  9. oneta hayes says:

    😀 Sorry but you did make me laugh. Happy trails to you, or should that be happy trials?

  10. SLIMJIM says:

    This is such a 2020 post! Made me think of what I told you earlier this June with the riot. About to go to sleep but praying for healing and recovery from your sickness

  11. We sang this Psalm in our morning service today. Blessings.

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