Captian’s log, day 3…bartering, laughing, crying…empty shelves…what then?

If I had my life to live over again,
I would elect to be a trader of goods rather than a student of science.
I think barter is a noble thing.
Albert Einstein

Ok, so I don’t have any Lysol wipes let alone packs of toilet paper.
And I’m hanging onto the less than 10 rolls we’ve got.
But I would love to trade, say, some frozen blueberries from this past summer
if you’re still interested…

I have not wipes nor toilet paper– for this is what specter greeted me this morning
at my grocery store…
The ghost of stores shelves past.

My past or long past you muse…
long past…for our time has been one of amplitude and plenty.

(my store’s shelves / Julie Cook / 2020)

I came, this morning, however, for diapers, waters, fresh fruits, and vegetables
along with some kid and adult-friendly snacks.
I would have liked to have gotten some more chicken and pork chops—but there were none.
I was fortunate in that I got the last pot roast.

The egg shelves were no better.

(Julie Cook / 2020)

I managed to snag the far left top dozen.

And sugar…..
Well forget it….there wasn’t a sack of sugar to be had in the entire store and cooking oil
wasn’t much better.

The milk you ask.
Ha!

I was met at the door with the managers wiping down all carts before they handed them over
one by one to each entering customer.

Walking in I was met by a flurry of mostly older shoppers, many decked out in full masks and gloves.
Eyes darting intently here and there over the top of the blue sterile masks.

Yet the gal in the floral department was busying herself with her flowers and for the
briefest of moments, I felt a sense of what was…normal.

The carts now whizzing past me with nervous eyes peering over masks jolted me back to
a frightening new world I’d woken up to.

And what world is this I’ve woken to?

My dentist has canceled my appointment for next week since they’re closing their office.
The shopping center, where our grocery store is located, was much less full given
that the Belks store is closed, as are some of the smaller retail shops.
Just Publix and Target were open—and now their hours are limited.

I watch the cars driving up and down our street and I wonder where they are going.

Our daughter-n-law and the Sheriff are coming down this afternoon to join us and the
Mayor—leaving our son, the dog, and cat at home while he works from home.
Our daughter-n-law will be teaching “remotely’ during the day while we watch the kids…
for how long, is any one’s guess.

If the sun comes back out and things begin to dry out…
life with a rambunctious two-year-old might smooth itself out.

And I am cooking…a lot– but nothing over the top fun as I’ve got to
manage the eggs, milk, sugar, and oil that we currently have.

So as I pushed my cart up and down aisles more empty than full, with fellow
shoppers looking more suspicious at one another than kindly…
I felt warm tears welling up in my eyes.
I felt a sense of deep melancholy wash over me—but I quickly pushed it
away.
I had to be a normal person with a positive outlook for tomorrow.
Not one of the blue masked, darting eyes people!

By the time I got home, my husband wanted to know if I had gotten any frozen foods
or canned goods.
He’s our resident Eeyore with a black cloud over his head.
He also has a friend he’s known since they were kids who has become a
sort of gloom and doom prepper.
He’s watching way too much news.

“Buy up all the cans of beef stew you can find” he lectures my husband.

I told my sweet Eeyore that I had gotten some boxed chicken broth, frozen tater tots
(for the Mayor) since all the frozen mac-n-cheese was gone. I wanted to buy fresh things…
he then warily chides me…what happens when all the fresh is eventually gone
and the shelves remain empty…what then?

And in the back of my mind…I pondered…what then??

Balancing Act

“Your hand opens and closes, opens and closes. If it were always a fist or always stretched open, you would be paralysed. Your deepest presence is in every small contracting and expanding, the two as beautifully balanced and coordinated as birds’ wings.”
― Rumi

Be not angry that you cannot make others as you wish them to be, since you cannot make yourself as you wish to be.”
― Thomas à Kempis

(a poor mallard duck who was trying to nap as I took his picture / San Antonio, Texas along the River Walk / Julie Cook / 2014)

Life is our tightrope and we spend a lifetime furiously trying to balance our footing.
Too much lean to the left, or too much lean to the right equates to certain disaster.

Oddly ours is a society of excess.
Excess does not equate to balance.
If you should want for anything, you are encouraged to go for it. . . and if you should want more, then by all means, go for it again, and again, and again—until you get your fill.

Nope, not much balance in excess.

Any child can explain balance.
Eat too much candy, the consequences are not pleasant.
Therefore there must be a balance.
Some candy is good, too much candy is bad.

Yet it seems to be such a difficult process for most adults to wrap their heads around such a concept.

We are constantly robbing Peter to pay Paul.

Meaning we pull from certain areas of our lives in order to increase other areas. Shaving off time, resources, energies on one side, pouring it over to the other side, all in the name of efficiency and performance.

We rationalize the need for or lack of sleep by consuming massive amounts of heart jolting caffeine, reassuring ourselves that we’ll make up for our sleeplessness by rationalizing that we’re one of those folks who can get by with just 4 hours, or that we’ll sleep in on the weekends. Yet our weekends are so jam packed and our eyes so blood shot and our bodies so sluggish that sadly the sleep never comes.

We chronically lie to ourselves about our time—time spent with our children and family. We justify our absence by claiming it’s all in the name of love. We spend copious amounts of time away from the very individuals who need us most then scramble like mad trying to make up for it with overindulgences.

We bargain with our health as we constantly rationalize. . . “It’s okay if I binge on this or that. . .I’ll work it off at the gym tomorrow, I’ll drink lots of water and take some aspirin, I only do this on the weekends, I’ll have just one more, it’s not like I have to have it, You only live once, I’m only young once. . .”

There is no balance in rationalizing, lying and bartering.

Rather balance is the equity in our lives and it is the key to living harmoniously. And without balance and harmony, our lives become a dangerous journey on the tightrope.

Without balance there are repercussions and consequences.
Sadly we continue to believe we can simply put a band-aid on it all, pop another pill, down another energy drink, have another drink, tell our kids another tale, tell ourselves another lie. . .that it will all work out because eventually down the road, when we’re finally older or retired or thinner, or healthier, or more grounded, or more finically sound. . .then, finally then, our lives will even out.

Funny thing about that thought process, those evened out days never seem to come.
Things happen.
Life happens.
Our best laid plans get steamrolled, sidetracked and smashed.

The moral to this rambling tale you ask. . .
Simply put, balance—
And that means balance now! Not later, not down the road, but now!
Quit lying, bargaining, haggling with and to others, but more importantly, quit lying to yourself.

Balance
Harmony
Equity

The Balance of
Time
Work
Rest
Play
Prayer
Joy
Fellowship
Peace

May you find your balance— sooner than later.
Remember, later is never a guarantee.