Teach me…

“When you pray, you only have to ask for two things:
You should ask for the light to see the will of God,
and you have to ask for the courage to be able to do the will of God.”

Venerable Msgr. Aloysius Schwartz


(buckeye butterfly rests on the viburnum / Julie Cook / 2019)

“My great God, you know all that is in the universe, because you yourself have made it.
It is the very work of your hands. You are omniscient, because you are omnicreative.
You know each part, however minute, as perfectly as you know the whole.
You know mind as perfectly as you know matter.
You know the thoughts and purposes of every soul as perfectly as if there were no other
soul in the whole of your creation. You know me through and through;
all my present, past, and future are before you as one whole.
You see all those delicate and evanescent motions of my thought which altogether escape myself.
You can trace every act, whether deed or thought, to its origin and can follow it into its
whole growth and consequences. You know how it will be with me at the end;
you have before you that hour when I shall come to you to be judged.
How awful is the prospect of finding myself in the presence of my judge!
Yet, O Lord, I would not that you should not know me.
It is my greatest stay to know that you read my heart.
Oh, give me more of that openhearted sincerity which I have desired.
Keep me ever from being afraid of your eye, from the inward consciousness that I am not
honestly trying to please you.
Teach me to love you more, and then I shall be at peace,
without any fear of you at all.”

Bl. John Henry Newman, p.150
An Excerpt from
Everyday Meditations

awake at night

“When you awake in the night,
transport yourself quickly in spirit before the Tabernacle, saying:
‘Behold, my God, I come to adore You, to praise, thank, and love you,
and to keep you company with all the Angels.'”

St. John Vianney


(sunset over the the gulf /Julie Cook / 2018)

The past several nights I have woken up around 2:30 AM—wide awake.
Hot.
Sweaty.
Uncomfortable.
Despite the AC running and my husband gently snoring, sleep for me is over.

My back aching with the slightest move–and now an aching neck and shoulder.

It hurts to turn, to roll, to twist.

Dreams, when they come, have been vivid, leaving me wondering and pondering.
Pondering much too much for such an unwelcoming hour.

Time passes with no relief as the numbers of the clock tick on and on.
No calm nor slumber.

Sleep, for me, is often elusive but more so as of late.

When the morning light comes, it is almost rude and unkind as
I find it harder and harder to get up since sleep now tries to
arrive right when it’s time to get up.

Exhausted and ill, I grouse at the day.

Last night, my brain turned on, my eyes popped open and it was only 2:30— my mind racing.
I ruminated on and on like a cow chewing cud over my latest odd dream.
Unresolved ancient issues or just the aching of a herniated disc?

I examine the past.
“NO”, I shout to my hyper-focused mind…” this is not the time!”

So my brain now toys with me, as the unending partial lyrics to a song
begin playing over and over as the earworm bores deeper into my brain.

“STOP”, I silently plead to my restless brain….”just let me rest”, I implore.

And so…I pray.
Focusing on that which is greater than the madness, greater than my weariness.
I offer myself over to You as a sacrifice…
Hear my prayers oh Lord…

“Lord Jesus Christ, son of God, have mercy upon me, a sinner”

Over and over I repeat the soothing words until I sense my mind and body quieting in unison.

“My Lord, I offer you myself in turn as a sacrifice of thanksgiving.
You have died for me, and I in turn make myself over to you.
I am not my own.
You have bought me; I will by my own act and deed complete the purchase.
My wish is to be separated from everything of this world;
to cleanse myself simply from sin; to put away from me even what is innocent,
if used for its own sake, and not for yours. I put away reputation and honor,
and influence, and power, for my praise and strength shall be in you.
Enable me to carry out what I profess.”

Bl. John Henry Newman, p. 135
An Excerpt From
Everyday Meditations