Dark and Light

“What hurts you, blesses you. Darkness is your candle.”
Rumi

Sometimes a post has no particular impetus of origin. Nothing dictated, no particular catalyst.
Other times there is an inner nudging–an internal pushing of the writer toward a specific topic and / or subject.
And so it is today. . .

No Light:
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Now with light:
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One minute we’re void of color, perched within a tonal world of black, white and grey.. .
Add a little light. . .
and Voila, bathed now in full warm radiant color!
Amazing what a little light on the subject, or in this case, under the subject, can do!!

Which brings us to the quote by the 13th century Persian poet, Rumi. . .
I think most of us would be hard pressed to agree with the afore mentioned sentiment “what hurts us, blesses us.” Not unless some of us like that sort of thing and then I think that just brings up an area that deals in negative psychology, human behavior, masochism. . . and that is certainly not where I’m wishing to go this morning.. .

Now back to darkness and blessings. . .
St John of the Cross, the 16th century Spanish Mystic, wrote extensively on this very subject in both his Ascent of Mount Carmel as well as the follow-up, the Dark Night of the Soul
With the latter acting as a balm to ones tried and tired soul, albeit a bit heavy and deep to wade through. The language is of the poetic and very deep indeed. Remember, we’re talking about mysticism which is indeed rooted in a deep internal journey to the discovery of a relationship with God as Creator on a level other than the obvious and more than what most of us tend to be familiar with.

It is this very “book” and of St John of the Cross himself, in which Karol Wojtyla, a once young Polish catholic priest, chose to write his dissertation– actually writing it in Spanish as to fully understand and appreciate the original translation of St John’s work. We should note that this young priest later went on to become Pope John Paul II.

I dare say we have all suffered through dark nights of the soul throughout our lives at some time or another. Sometimes these dark times seem to last an eternity. Other times, thankfully, they are brief encounters. It is my experienced belief that those of us who are deep feelers, meaning those who internalize a great deal as well as those who tend to ruminate over much of life, tend to be a bit more inclined to these darker bouts.

Churchill had his “black dog” and Mother Teresa is said to have confessed in her private journals of a very dry and dark suffering which she felt throughout much of her adult life as her life seemed terribly void of God’s presence. Parents who have lost children suffer grievously this darkness, as do any of us who have lost loved ones.

Be it circumstance or disposition, the Darkness can be a very real and a very difficult place to find oneself–particularly for any length of time. Which brings us to the Light.

Padre Pio, a recently canonized capuchin monk, from a very impoverished area in Southern Italy, also knew a thing or two of the struggles with Darkness. His is indeed an interesting story, one we don’t have time to delve into here but I do recommend that you perhaps find a good biography to peruse as his is a story of stigmata’s, struggles with evil, bilocation, healing, witch hunts, humility and endurance.

It is Padre Pio who tells us to take courage when we feel as if we are plagued by sadness and Darkness– it is during such times that God actually draws closest to us. I’ve written on this subject before yet I feel it has much merit in being repeated as we all suffer at some point in this life. If we live, inevitably we will suffer—sadly that’s just the way of life.

I have been known to curse the darkness as well as the light, Life— and I have even been known to yell and scream at God. Anguish can be a very lonely frustrating place. I certainly have not felt heavenly supported during such dark times but it is said that an army of God’s angels envelope us during such trials—which in hindsight is a welcomed blessing.

All I know is that God is not immune to our suffering. He does not cause it, puppeteer it, manipulate it, or sadisticly enjoy it as many have attempted accusing Him of throughout history. He weeps with us and His anguish is deep. As beings who live with free will, in a fallen world, there will always remain sickness, sadness, evil, pain and suffering–such is life in a fallen world.
I say that as not to cause discouragement. Remember there is hope, kindness, mercy and Grace…but this is not that post. This post is merely about dark and light.

To offer comfort to those of you who are currently in a place of dry darkness is not an easy task. I personally tend to go within myself and there’s not much anyone can say or do which helps at those times—it is only once I emerge that I can appreciate the loving intentions of others. It also does me a wealth of goodness to read such works as St John’s —as well as the words of the Psalmist as his lamentations and yearnings are so very timeless. Often knowing that others have suffered in one form or another and yet survived can, to me, act as a morsel of hopefulness.

May you, who are currently in the midst of a dry and dark place, find the solace of a loving Father. May you weather the storm raging within or bear that of the silent emptiness. May you be encouraged that you are never alone–as countless fellow journeymen have borne similar burdens as there is a host of the unseen warriors of Heaven who have readied themselves to engulf you Life is hard, often heavy with its share of darkness–yet thankfully it is always countered by the light of love, laughter and that of the human connection.

“Bear in mind that the more the enemy assaults you, the closer God is to your soul. Think about, and penetrate this great and comforting truth.” Padre Pio

deep ponderings

“I have so much to do! And there’s so little time!”
– John Gunther, Death Be Not Proud
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(image of a grave marker in the historic Colonial Park Cemetery/ Savannah, GA / Julie Cook / 2013)

I don’t know if it was yesterday’s post about the poor dead mole, the fact that I just finished reading Priestblock 25487 A Memoir of Dachau by and about Father Jean Bernard or that I’m currently reading “Forget Not Love” The Passion of Maximilian Kolbe by Andre Frossard…or it could simply be that Fall of the year is upon us which ushers in a time of life silently fading away…no matter the reason I’ve just had the this whole idea of death and dying on the brain.

No, as my students would say, I’m not trying to be a “debbie downer” nor am I trying to sound the death knell—rather I am simply wishing that I was a braver soul. Not that I consider myself a chicken or the one who runs from danger. My former principal who is former military, use to tell us, his instructional coordinators and leadership team of the school, to run toward the noise or fire, not away from it. Meaning if we saw or heard something not so good, hightail it to the source, pronto!

I’d be the first one on the scene, never afraid to break up a fight or quell the first signs of trouble. Not the wisest thing to do given the troubling times in which we live, but I’ve never been one to back down in the face of danger.

I am however, I think, afraid to die, or maybe it’s more that I’m afraid of dying….I don’t know if it’s the process or the final act—I’m not quite certain. And well there, I’ve said it. But wait a minute you say, aren’t you some big time Christian? Yes, but that doesn’t necessarily mean I embrace death and dying by any means.

I’m not a fan of pain, I don’t think I bear up under it very well and I’m afraid of the unknown. This coming form Miss plot out her entire life form A to Z with a detailed course description as a guide. Maybe it’s the control thing—Miss Control freak who will have no control or say in the whole ordeal. I admit it scares me.

The story goes that St Francis, upon his deathbed, is said to have sung over and over “Be praised, O Lord, for our Sister Death.” He sang Psalm 141, and at the end he asked for permission from his superior to have his clothes removed so when the last hour came he could expire lying naked on the earth, in imitation of his Lord.

Now that’s someone who doesn’t flinch and get’s it right.

Or maybe like Joan of Arc who was sentenced to be burned at a stake by the English as a heretic. As she was tied to the stake and the fire lit, Joan asked the priests present if they would hold up a crucifix in order that she may gaze upon Christ as she died.

Hard Core

Maximilian Kolbe, as a prisoner of Auschwitz, sacrificed himself for another prisoner who was sentenced to die in a starvation chamber. He lived much longer than they ever imagined he would and he ministered the entire time to his fellow death-mates being the last of the group to die.

Angelic

I know that none of us know how we will react when our time comes, be it quickly or slowly due to a ravaging illness, but it just troubles me a bit that I fret about it. Maybe I’m afraid that when it happens God will say, No, turn around you just didn’t get it right. Maybe He won’t want me. Maybe that’s that whole abandonment issue established with the whole adoption business..see how that keeps coming back?!
I want to be with my family–what will that be like? Oh there are just so many questions and caveats that are simply not up to me….

I want to be more brave, more serene, more confident. I want to know without a shadow of a doubt that Jesus, or St Michael, or whomever will take me by the hand….We all recall the final weeks of Pope John Paul’s life. The once most energetic, athletic, globe trotting vicar of Christ who slowly, painfully, frustrated as he was, serenely allowed all of us to witness his relinquishment on and to this world.

I feel as if I’d be belly aching, oh woe is meing, grousing in frustration, anguishing….but not so for so many brave souls. But who knows, maybe I’ll surprise myself. Maybe I’ll be like George Bailey in It’s a Wonderful Life who got a second chance to get it right. But I doubt that……

Maybe that’s it—maybe it’s as simple as learning to let go…letting go of self, of the control, of relinquishing my power and yielding to a Greater power. Less of me and more of Him.

And then there is the issue of sin… those things that impede our relationship with God. I once heard it described that God, the Creator, who is without sin cannot even look upon sin as He is that pure (which goes well beyond our mere attempts of comprehension)…so Jesus had the bridge the gap, so to speak, between sin and that which is without sin—all so God could reestablish a relationship with us. That is indeed very powerful.

Sometimes I think that I’m just not ready because I’ve got to continue working on getting it right…but when will that be…when will I finally know that I get it right? Maybe I just need to take heed of the expression ….”I ain’t got time for dying cause I’ve got a whole lot of living left to do…” or however that saying goes— it is all just a matter of how we live that is most important, and that is what I must remember-it is how I live, not merely that I live….

Mother Teresa so aptly taught us all how to live by her own simple yet determined example of living life for Jesus and in turn for others— it is this small Albanian woman who teaches us that living with purpose for our fellow man is what truly matters. She taught us the simple truth of life and she offered us a wonderful creed to call our own……
“Life is an opportunity, benefit from it.
Life is beauty, admire it.
Life is a dream, realize it.
Life is a challenge, meet it.
Life is a duty, complete it.
Life is a game, play it.
Life is a promise, fulfill it.
Life is sorrow, overcome it.
Life is a song, sing it.
Life is a struggle, accept it.
Life is a tragedy, confront it.
Life is an adventure, dare it.
Life is luck, make it.
Life is too precious, do not destroy it.
Life is life, fight for it.”

No, no time for dying—just living, and living well…..