“Can you bind the chains of the Pleiades?
Can you loosen Orion’s belt?
Can you bring forth the constellations in their seasons
or lead out the Bear with its cubs?
Do you know the laws of the heavens?
Can you set up God’s dominion over the earth?
Stepping out into a mild early April night…
Knowing that the world has gone mad,
I look up, wondering where you are.
Craziness awaits inside and out while I search the night sky.
I quickly search through the vast darkness.
Are you there…somewhere beyond those stars?
those three aligned stars that have always guided those who
have journeyed through the night.
Desperately and viscerally filled with pain, I long to see your face…just one more time.
to hear your voice…
to relish in your wisdom…
to rest in your embrace.
Can you look down, seeing me, looking up?
Oh for the comfort found in the cadence of your melodious voice…
Your soothing words as I wade my way through this mindfield that is now our world.
A strange new world that I do not care for.
I did not ask for this…but I know you did not ask for your own path.
We share a common bond…adoption.
Lost before we felt found.
Each struggling to make our own way.
You painfully watched my own struggle, knowing that I had to go on my own.
I still struggle and somehow there is comfort in that struggle because
I know you know.
Your had your own battles.
You fought through a world war.
Your heart broke watching your own children fall…
and you unselfishly added me to that fold.
You helped to guide a major southern city through her Civil Rights angst.
You met dignitaries along with the homeless, treating each one as the same.
And despite all the power players and demands, you remained my polestar…my guiding light.
Always pointing me toward which direction I should go.
And yet oddly now, I too have become a Polestar…
A signpost pointing others to their own direction.
Yet in all of this, I wonder… how am I to know which way is right?
How did you know?
You trusted in something, in someone, so much greater than yourself.
You always knew.
You listened and you fought your way through the brambles and vines
that vied to entangle you.
You knew I would and could do the same.
The world is now so odd.
Not like anything we’ve ever known.
And yet there remains the signpost…pointing the way.
I hear your confidence and clarity.
Just as I see it when glancing in the night sky..
It’s somewhere just past Orion’s belt…
(Julie and her Godpoppa August 1983)
“He was there alone with himself, collected, tranquil, adoring,
comparing the serenity of his heart with the serenity of the skies,
moved in the darkness by the visible splendors of the constellations,
and the invisible splendor of God, opening his soul to the thoughts which fall from the Unknown.
In such moments, offering up his heart at the hour when the flowers of night inhale their perfume,
lighted like a lamp in the center of the starry night,
expanding his soul in ecstasy in the midst of the universal radiance of creation,
he could not himself perhaps have told what was passing in his own mind;
he felt something depart from him, and something descend upon him,
mysterious interchanges of the depths of the soul with the depths of the universe.”
Victor Hugo, Les Misérables