“All the natural movements of the soul are controlled by
laws analogous to those of physical gravity.
Grace is the only exception. Grace fills empty spaces,
but it can only enter where there is a void to receive it,
and it is grace itself which makes this void.
The imagination is continually at work filling up all
the fissures through which grace might pass.”
Simone Weil, Gravity and Grace
(Rosemary Beach during Hurricane Sally / Julie Cook / 2020)
Tossed within the surf of a sea churning with tumultuous emotions…
joy, sorrow and even regret now vie for prominence within my heart.
An engulfing crescendo of deep abiding love is gently offered…
yet is is overshadowed by the inward naysaying whispers of a past
that speaks of unworthiness.
Grace and Graciousness, along with open forgiveness,
have each been tenderly extended…
freely extended by the hands of unconditional love.
The very word unconditional has always made these eyes fill with tears.
Humbled by such a love leaves this heart feeling only more unworthy
and even trembling.
Ode to a child of adoption…the child who finds the unconditional
a foreign gift.
Condition most often becomes the wiring of the adopted one.
And thus the thought of such worthiness is oh so far away from anything
the adopted individual finds possible…
for the single sense unworthiness clings for dominance.
If you’ve ever visited this little corner of the blogosphere of mine very often,
then you know I’ve written at length about such feelings and that of
my own adoption over these many years.
The highs and lows, the battles and the healings.
With adoption, the notion of healing and that of worthiness each become
a lifelong quest.
For the one who was given up and given away…to be able to ever feel worthy
of accepting such a precious offering of true and abiding love…a gift given from one
freely to another, feels as a near impossibility.
And so a battle ensues…
The adult who has lived life and attained hindsight now fights with the
ever present child who was born of rejection.
Logic wrestles with raw emotion.
Yet what we know, is that in the end, love does indeed win.
Because we know that anyone who calls
themself a Christian, is adopted by Grace.
I am a child of Grace and I am a person who is so ever grateful
to that of the unconditional…
to redeem those who were under the law, so that we might receive adoption as sons.
And because you are sons, God has sent the Spirit of his Son into our hearts,
crying, “Abba! Father!”
So you are no longer a slave, but a son, and if a son, then an heir through God.
Galatians 4:5-7
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