Then Jesus said to Simon,
“Don’t be afraid; from now on you will fish for men.”
Jesus speaking to Simon Peter
I could be Legion—a devil hoard
I could be the Magdalene—an abused self loather
I could be Judas—a misguided traitor
I could be Matthew—selfish and financially driven
I could be Peter—willful, defiant, sarcastic, and hopelessly lost…
I could be, or better yet… I am each and every one of these.
We all are, are we not?
These thoughts came to me this afternoon as I propped my phone on the kitchen counter
to watch Episode 4 of The Chosen while I was readying supper and waiting on
the arrival of some friends.
The app has been sitting on the screen of my phone now for months–
ever since I first saw the story about this unusual movie series and actually
shared its story here, with you.
And yet it’s simply sat, untouched.
Time you know.
Carving out roughly an uninterrupted 40 minute moment has not, up until most recently,
And it is for me to remember that it is indeed sitting there on my phone.
To remember that all I must do is to look down and see the tiny face of Nicodemas
staring at me each time I look at my phone, swiping through the various screens.
He stares up at me, with a sideways yet knowing look as if to say, Julie,
click and watch another episode won’t you?
And then my attention finds its original quest, or a new chore calls even louder.
These past months, now weeks which are turning into endless days, have been
more than overwhelming for all of us.
A virus, death, pandemonium, lockdowns, the shuttering of life…
and now the madness of a devolving civilization is heaped on top
of an already surreal moment in time.
Embers piled upon older embers.
Reigniting the flames.
And yet this afternoon, in my kitchen, chopping squash, I am reminded…
I am Peter.
Or was that Matthew?
What of Mary…
or worse, might I be Judas?
But thankfully, I have not yet traded my soul for gain.
Or have I done so inadvertently?
And thus I am reminded…
He calls not simply Simon bar Jonah the poor fisherman, or Matthew the
greedy taxman or Mary the broken and abused or even Judas the traitor…
He’s calling me.
He’s calling us all.
Will I listen to Him or will I allow the misery of our times to consume me?
My angry, depressed, and most bewildered heart…?
Pierce my heart for your sake oh Lord…