“My heart shall become your heart”

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(a beautiful white orchid / Julie Cook / 2014)

“Give me all of you!!! I don’t want so much of your time, so much of your talents and money, and so much of your work. I want YOU!!! ALL OF YOU!! I have not come to torment or frustrate the natural man or woman, but to KILL IT! No half measures will do. I don’t want to only prune a branch here and a branch there; rather I want the whole tree out! Hand it over to me, the whole outfit, all of your desires, all of your wants and wishes and dreams. Turn them ALL over to me, give yourself to me and I will make of you a new self—in my image. Give me yourself and in exchange I will give you Myself. My will, shall become your will. My heart, shall become your heart.”
C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

Oh that this strong request of yours could only be answered with a swift response of “yes.”
That I could and would whole heartedly shout at the top of my lungs
YES!!
YES!
I will give you myself.
All of myself.
I shall hold nothing back.
I am yours.
Yes, take all of me.

Yet, this demand of yours, this most intimate demand from the purest essence of Love,
is meet by my hesitation, my doubts, my frozen in time inability to immediately scream “yes.”
I hesitate.
Why?
I stumble over the words.
I hold back.

You reassure me.
You make me a promise
You have proven the promise.
And yet, I balk.
The “I” must be broken
Why can’t I let go?
Why won’t the “I” let go?
Am I afraid of being broken?
Being broken by you would be so much better than remaining whole as the captive of “I”
Still I find the words unable to slip from my mouth.

You sense my hesitation.
You see my reluctance.
You take my hand.
Suddenly, within that single touch, there is a cosmic explosion which shakes the very foundation of my world.
At the very moment you touch me, there is something so overpowering, something so beautiful which takes places.
I have never felt this before.
A connection
A oneness
It’s as if the brokeness, which I never fully comprehended, is immediately made whole.

And just as quickly as our hands meet, I pull away.
I look away.
It’s all too much.
I can’t.
If you honestly knew, knew everything, you’d walk away
You should walk away.
Others are better than I.
Others have not done the things I have done.
The things I am ashamed for you to discover.
You really don’t want me.
You really don’t know me
You really don’t know. . .

But now thus says the Lord, he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: “Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. I give Egypt as your ransom, Cush and Seba in exchange for you. Because you are precious in my eyes, and honored, and I love you, I give men in return for you, peoples in exchange for your life. Fear not, for I am with you; I will bring your offspring from the east, and from the west I will gather you.
(Isaiah 43:1-28)

The love song plays out
You reveal everything I’ve hidden.
I am ashamed and want to turn away.
Yet you continue watching
There is only acceptance in your eyes
Pieces of a broken heart lay scattered on the floor
You pick up the pieces, putting them back together,
handing me the final piece.

Again, You extend your hand
You whisper my name
“My heart shall become your heart” you whisper ever so gently–
“You will be mine and I will be yours” for all of eternity
Love lies bare and open between us
“Behold, you are beautiful, my love, behold, you are beautiful! (Song of Solomon 4:1)
I hear those words flowing from your heart.
A heart that has broken for me
“Yes”
“Yes”
The word now slowly falling from my mouth
Take me as I am and make me yours
All that was is suddenly no more
I will give you my heart. . .
I want nothing more than for my heart to now become your heart
With the last piece finally being put back in place.

6 comments on ““My heart shall become your heart”

  1. Lynda says:

    This is a beautiful testimony to the amazing grace of our Lord. God waits and woos us and most of all, God loves us with an unending and unconditional love. It is a mystery. One of the courses I’m taking is “Transformative Dynamics of Grace” and today I have to write an online quiz. This is a beautiful way for me to begin my study time this morning. Thank you for sharing this with us.

    • Thank you for your kind words Lynda–I’m happy that the post could be of benefit—the thing is I had originally intended to post something else–something lighter, happier—but just didn’t feel settled with it—so I started over, on something entirely different. Speaking quite from the heart of personal reflection.
      I never have asked, what sort of degree are you working on?
      Hugs to you–
      Julie

      • Lynda says:

        Julie, I retired a few years ago and decided to take courses at the University of Toronto School of Theology and one thing led to another and I am registered at Regis College (a Jesuit College) in the Master of Theological Studies programme. I love learning and being with the “youngsters” but it is a challenge and I’m only doing it part-time so I’ll be a ripe old age if I ever graduate. 🙂 So kind of you to ask.

  2. Whoa, missy, you waded out into the really deep waters today! What a powerful post this is. It speaks to where I am right now and the “I” I can’t or won’t let go of.
    You have been touched by amazing grace today, my friend. Hugs and love, Natalie 🙂

    • I feel like I’m hearing that old spiritual playing in my head…Wade in the Water…. 🙂
      The thing is– I had written a totally different post for today—something lighter, more happy, a bit more secular in nature but didn’t feel settled with posting it—feeling as if I needed to do something else. So I thought and looked at some quotes, opting to look at some CS Lewis quotes in further depth…finding the one from Mere Christianity—as I began to write I kind of felt like what I was writing was sounding sappy but I stayed with it—couldn’t figure out how I wanted it to end. Stayed up last thinking—went to bed, got up and polished it. I had to hurry to go over to Dads (a post unto itself) so I hit publish—and that’s my deep water wading in a nutshell.
      I am glad it spoke to you—it speaks to me as well as I am the one in the post who just doesn’t seem to take that divine hand of grace–because I fear I am afraid of being broken—oh I know I’d be put back together better than before—but I guess I feel I’m just holding back I suppose…

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