“Chronic remorse, as all the moralists are agreed, is a most
If you have behaved badly, repent, make what amends you can and
address yourself to the task of behaving better next time.
On no account brood over your wrongdoing.
Rolling in the muck is not the best way of getting clean.”
Aldous Huxley, Brave New World
(you can’t even tell, I don’t think / Julie Cook / 2019)
Well, guilt is a powerful tool.
At last, my moment of weakness arrived…so I must confess…
I have relented.
I didn’t lie to you.
My intention was certainly a BIG no to this year’s tree…
there were those faces, those words, those insistent voices.
It was one of those things, as I started the day, that I had not even contemplated.
It never crossed my mind that I’d be doing “this” for the remainder of the day,
well past dark.
Yet I had gotten plenty of proddings from those both near and far…
And I suppose it was indeed a sense of something missing, as I’d peer over to an empty
spot that was the ghost space of Christmas trees past, that pushed me this morning.
I marched up to that dreaded closest and pulled out that dreaded tub of
broken angels and tiny little nutcrackers.
Old ornaments of all the Christmases past.
I pulled out my various glues and got comfortable at the kitchen table.
I sorted through survivors and the debris.
I next text my husband’s friend, unbeknownst to my husband, and asked if he could
come by sometime today in order to help my husband haul up ‘that tree’ from the
confines of the basement.
He giddily text back a triumphant “YES!”
Now I know I told you that I did manage to put up the outside lights.
That was an all-day affair on the coldest day of the year thus far.
All by myself.
The neighbors have always guilted me with that as well as they would go into
my husband’s business asking when were the lights going up.
What is it with people and the lights????
I had rationalized that if the outside of my world could appear as if Christmas
was alive and well,
no one would be the wiser to what was missing on the inside.
But yet, there were a few who were the wiser.
And yes…even I was wiser.
Be they here at home or now in their own home, I think it’s the comfort of knowing
“it’s” still there.
That home is still home.
And that all is right in the world of “home” is what truly matters.
“It” is always blessedly there whether we are, or they are, here or not…
It’s that sense that life is as it should be…carrying on as if everything is
forever a constant.
The constant of the happy warm memories of what was.
Forget the bad and painful.
Forget the negative or even the current.
It is to the warmth of fond memories that the heart of a child,
now locked deep inside an adult, runs to.
There is a sense of permanence, of rooting and of anchoring found in those types
The true essence of how we came to be who we are…for good or for bad.
For it is of the kinder memories we cling to of how we came to be.
We seem to need them in order to be reminded of them.
And so today became the day that I gave up or rather gave in.
Today, the warmth of Christmas came home…
whether anyone is here to see it or not.
Christmas comes and they will always know.
But when the set time had fully come, God sent his Son, born of a woman, born under the law,
Beautifully decorated 😍💪😎🥰🙏
Thank you GW— just don’t look too close 😂
[…] via Okay, you can’t see the glue right?? — cookiecrumbstoliveby […]
I was not among those prodding. We are still not having a Christmas tree, but if we get to Tennessee and their tree is not up, we’ll put one up there. Where our tree usually goes, there is a mountain of gifts, as those in Tennessee have too much on their minds now. I just hope that the rented SUV is large enough. They seem to have back seats that fold down, so I think we’ll make it. I may need help with one present that weighs about 85 pounds. But as for trees, we don’t have room for one right now.
Your tree, that was not going up, is beautiful by the way. I love the ornaments. We used to have German wooden snowflakes, but we also had boys, who could not refrain from ‘touching.’ Loose translation “crushing.” All the glue in Katmandu couldn’t put them back together again.
Well don’t look too closely as there are a few gaps and holes in the angels as I couldn’t make all the tiny shards fit into place , let alone figure out which dusting of shards belonged with which angel — then this morning Gregory was pittling at the fire place, raised up and knocked off my stocking and metal deer stocking holder— needless to say the deer is now headless 😑 so more glue!!
I don’t think there is anything in my house that hasn’t been glued together!
How is your son doing Mark?
I’m praying for healing as well as a safe journey for you and your wife!!!!
It is good that I don’t have a weapon. I’m explosives trained, but I don’t have a license.
As for that preface, our son is calm, clear headed, and doing well. His wife was supposed to have visited yesterday, but she has given us no report this morning. He remains in a wheelchair at the hospital, in a locked room.
As for my anger, he had a seizure on Saturday. 1) They had no idea what was going on. – Trained professionals in mental health and they could not RECOGNIZE a seizure in progress. 2) They did not have his treatment records even though the clinic that took him to the hospital was attached to the hospital, working in concert with one another. They had no idea that he was being treated at the clinic at all, thus not knowing that he was treated for seizures. 3) Since it is our opinion that the seizure prevention medicine caused the thoughts of suicide, and he has not taken the medicine since being admitted on Tuesday, maybe that is why he is calm, and it has nothing to do with their hospital treatment. 4) Now after six days have been wasted, they have to treat two problems, suicide watch and seizures. And the FMLA protection only protects his job through 30 December, the job that is not paying him anything. We can pray for an extension, but our money will run out before too long, and they haven’t seen the hospital bill yet.
God is good, all the time. Funny how people say that when they see very little “good” in what is going on at the time.
Praise the Lord, his head is clear, but…
Well I went to pray now that know how to pray— I totally understand your anger and frustration— we will claim that calm as we rebuke thoughts of self harm as they are most likely chemicals induced by the meds— we will pray that a hospital will figure out what it’s doing and we will part his job will be there to support him in all sorts of ways of support!!!!!
Amen, well said.
Maybe we’ll said but poorly typed on my phone!!!!
Beautiful tree Julie! And really, the broken pieces glued together make it all the more glorious. Kind of like our savior piecing our broken selves together to a more magnificent product. Merry Christmas Julie!
Now that is a wonderful way of thinking Tricia!!!— from now on, each year I’ll put the tree together, I will do so with that thought in mind— Jesus mending our brokenness— now there is a new post in the makings!!
Thank fir the gift of a beautiful reminder!!!!!!!
Awww, you’re very welcome Julie. I’ve been reading Max Lucado’s wonderful Because of Bethlehem book and it’s been reminding me how many times God has re ordered the pieces of my own messy life for better. Thank goodness He’s been very patient!
Isn’t that the truth!!!!!
So you caved to tradition, eh? Well you still have little ones who will enjoy the lights and ornaments. You are creating wonderful memories for them, I sent most of my ornaments home with the kids yesterday. We kept the very special ones and found new places to hang them.
This is so beautiful, I’m so glad you ended up with a tree… even if it’s for a short time. I’m loving getting caught up in your posts, so encouraging. I’ve been away from the keyboard too long… your wonderful quotes and pictures and writing are luring me back in. ❤️🎄
Where in the heck have you been?! I have missed you so much!!!
Thanks for the kind words — we are in need of your wisdom dear friend— write on!!!!!🥰😍
Just so so busy with the teenage people! No shortage of crazy topics, I’m making lists for the new year lol…
It is a wonder you’re still sane!!!! 😂🤣
Beautiful home, inside and out. I also have a tree thanks Roger and Renee. I admit I like it. It was nice to put the gifts there today. Gifts for my great grands; we will have lots of games for winning most gifts. I’m hosting Christmas for family this Saturday. That’s mighty close. Theme is Christmas on a Shoestring. I hope to prove fun doesn’t have to be expensive. I love the quote.
I agree Oneta- Christmas is not expensive for us— it was expensive for God!! All done for us—- absolutely amazing!
Your tree is beautiful. And having a cat curled up nearby is a splendid touch. J.
Thank you—I thought Percy in the picture all curled up was the topper!!!